Into the Valley ~ Confessions, Bitter and Sweet, Pt 1. #Uhura

Previously ~ Thoughts and Notions

Eventually Nyota left the table first, mumbling something about needing to study. Spock didn’t dare follow her. Vira and Hikaru excused themselves soon after, no doubt to go wreak havoc somewhere, and then finally it was Spock’s turn to flee.

Unfortunately, he didn’t make it back to his dorm before N’Tal caught up with him. Before he knew it, they were alone on the Laidley House turbolift.

“Why did you not tell her?” she demanded without ceremony. “You risked losing your human by remaining silent.”

Spock opted for honesty. Lying by omission hadn’t exactly done wonders for him today.

Without looking at her he replied, “Nyota would not have approved of our spending time together.”

“So you risked losing her…just to see me?”

“I wanted you to know me better,” he said tightly. “I needed you to know that I am more…than just my father’s money.”

If he expected N’Tal to protest her innocence or defend her actions, he was sorely disappointed.

“I should have known,” N’Tal sighed in blissful triumph, leaning her head back against the wall. “Each week you fought harder than the last, choosing difficult weapons, attempting forms of combat you have not mastered. Sometimes, I felt as though I stood opposite one of our forebears on ancient battlefield.”

Spock blushed.

“That pleases you, does it not? It pleases you that I see you…as you truly are.”

Still he did not speak or look at her, but N’Tal was not so easily discouraged.

“Why?” she pressed. “I thought I did not matter to you. What I wanted did not matter, so why did you feel you must show yourself to me? I am nothing. I have nothing. I am not an ideal mate for any man.”

The turbolift mercifully stopping and opened its doors, revealing Spock’s hallway. As he stepped between the doors, he turned to face her saying only, “You underestimate yourself, N’Tal. When I said you honored me, I meant it.”

He exited quickly, fleeing to his room. He needed to do damage control and he needed to do it now.

Fighting with N’Tal had been…exhilarating. She was a magnificent opponent, resilient, and knowledgeable. He’d often marveled at her; and wondered about himself. The Romulans had not adopted logic, and yet they had not killed themselves off. They had harnessed their emotions and forged a mighty empire.

Opposed this particular Romulan, Spock’s heart had pounded, his blood had roared in his ears, and he’d savored every blow, every searing cut. He recalled how the sweat had rolled off him like a waterfall. He’d loathed to leave the stained weapons behind on the holodeck.

And the aftermath! The sheer, raw lust their fights aroused…he remembered the eagerness with which he’d seek out Nyota, how much sweeter her skin tasted when he was…awakened like this.

Or was it N’Tal he had wanted in those moments? N’Tal, with her sweet-smelling blood the color of liquid emeralds, and her thin, clear sweat glistening across her dark olive skin.

N’Tal, who did not want him.

By the ears of Surak…what have I done?

“Computer, locate student Nyota Uhura.”

“Student Nyota Uhura is in holodeck three.”

She would be angry with him. She would be angry, but he didn’t care. His time with N’Tal had been all the more exciting because it was forbidden, in a sense.

You risked losing your human, N’Tal had said, and yes…that had made it all the more intoxicating.  But now that reality had reared its ugly head, now that the risk was so very real, Spock was anxious to make amends.

Nyota was running her roommate’s Hoobishan Baths program. She was sitting alone in a hot bath, surrounded by steam and burning torches. She was wearing her hair straight and long these days; it was black with thick streaks of brilliant purple. A full moon glowed above her, its light giving her a Gothic and almost mournful appearance. Elsewhere, laughter and the clinking of glasses echoed in the night.

“Nyota?” he asked softly. “Will you speak with me?”

Her reply was terse. “About what?”

He swallowed nervously. “N’Tal.”

“Oh, you want to talk about her now, do you? Three weeks ago you didn’t want to say a word but now—”

“Nyota, please,” he cut her off, and maintaining safe distance as he did so, “it is not what you think.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?”

“You would’ve been upset.”

“Damn right, Spock! That girl was after you, and you knew that! What else am I supposed to think? Logically, Spock, what else should I have deduced?”

“I do not deny that my actions were incorrect, but I do wish you would at least try to understand why I performed them.”

“Because your irrational human side took over, Spock,” she spat, glaring at him through the steam. “We’re drawn to people who don’t want us. Like it or not, it’s in our nature. I mean, look at you and me. I wanted you the moment I saw you. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t speak—I wanted you that much. But you didn’t even notice me. And the more reserved and typically ‘Vulcan’ you were, the more I wanted you.” Bitterly, she looked away. “And now the cycle starts over.”

“I do not want N’Tal,” he said urgently, convinced now more than ever. “I just needed her to see that I’m a person, not a bank account number. She’s not the first girl sent my way by some greedy parent, Nyota. You don’t know what it’s like to be the ‘son of Sarek,’ and have all eyes on you for all the wrong reasons.”

He finally came to kneel beside her tub, but still, she wouldn’t look at him. After a pained silence, he rose to his feet, stripped, and joined her naked in the tub.

Pressing against her, he insisted, “I want you. And you want me. I was wrong, and I’m sorry. Isn’t that enough?”

She finally looked at him, but her face appeared unsure.

“Tell me,” she said lowly. “Tell me of your time with N’Tal.”

The Vulcan actually blanched for a moment, before struggling and succumbing. “It was exciting,” he admitted. “It was dangerous, and forbidden to indulge such violent emotions. My people criticize the Romulan adulation of battle.” He looked away, as though deeply ashamed. “We’re supposed to be…pacifists.”

“Did you want to hurt her? Or did you want something else?”

“I wanted to show off,” he confessed. “She and I are of the blood, and I wanted to prove that. But the whole time, I wanted you. Remember,” he murmured against her ear, laying soft kisses upon her skin, “remember how I was after my sessions? How I would come and find you?” He nipped at her neck and felt her whole body quiver. “N’Tal did not cause that. I sometimes got impatient for our fights to end, so that I could come…and find you. Nyota, you are human, I once told you to never apologize for that. But if we’re to be together, I may have to sometimes apologize for being Vulcan. I want you to know that I do feel, even if I show it less and less as we grow older.”

He pried her knees apart and slid between them, kissing her neck and shoulders. His hands stroked and probed everywhere, and it didn’t take much to move him to passion.

“And this…,” she murmured between his kisses, “this…this is what you really want?”

“If I wanted N’Tal, do you really think I would be here now?”

She finally kissed him back in truth, running her wet fingers through his wet hair. Her legs wrapped around him instinctively as their kisses intensified, until they were both plagued with moans and ragged breathing.

She felt him seeking entry, felt her body automatically tighten against him. But using his fingers and
applying extra pressure, he tried to push his way in.

“No,” she mumbled distantly, almost unable to dodge his mouth. “We can’t…remember? We can’t….”

“It is all right,” he soothed her, kissing her deeply and pinning her hands to her side when she tried to push him away. “It will be all right. I will be gentle.”

He was pushing deeper now, causing discomfort, and she could feel something slicker and more slippery than water sliding into her.

Pre-cum, her mind gasped. I can still get pregnant from this….

Now she was starting to panic. She struggled slightly, saying, “Spock…no…I’m due for a cycle soon and—”

Not thinking before he spoke, he assured her between kisses, “It's all right.  The essence of the talon tree prevents us both from being fertile.”

At the words ‘talon tree’, Nyota’s panic became full-blown.

Next ~ Confessions Bitter and Sweet Pt 2