Into the Valley ~ “Self-Soothing” for Dummies – Vulcan First Edition #Uhura

Previously ~ The Ex-Files

A/N ~ This was the favorite chapter.  It drew more LOLs than any other.

“I cannot believe I’m actually doing this.”

Hikaru sat on his bed, hands between his knees, head miserably hanging down. Across from him, on his own bed, Spock lay on his back, eyes closed as instructed, and hands dutifully lying at his side.

“Belief is irrelevant,” Spock reminded him. “We had a wager. I wagered that Nyota would not be upset by my oral mel—kiss—with Vira. I spoke with her in Vulcan Literature this morning and not only did she already know about the kiss, she was not upset. You wagered she would be, and you lost. Now you have to…‘pay up.’”

“Spock,” Hikaru groaned uncomfortably, “please don’t make me do this. This is So. Not. Human.”

“On the contrary,” Spock countered, almost robotically, “I have heard other male students—Jim Kirk included—discuss the group form of self-soothing; in ancient times, humans referred to it as some sort of circle.”

Knowing exactly what Spock was referring to, Hikaru shuddered. “Man,” he cried desperately, “can’t you just ask for something else?”

“Negative. Please proceed as per our agreement.”

“Can’t you just look it up in the school database?”

“I found the clinical data succinct and insufficient,” Spock shook his head, eyes still closed. “Please proceed.”

“Okay,” Hikaru sighed in defeat. His roommate had always been an honorable young man, and it would be wrong to let him down. Hikaru thought for a moment, trying very hard to discern a strategy.

“All right,” he sighed again. “Let’s see how I can phrase this.”

“A moment please, before you start,” Spock interrupted.

Hikaru raised an eyebrow, grateful for the delay. “Yes?” he asked patiently, keeping his voice light.

“Do human females also engage in this behavior?”

Hikaru laughed softly, genuinely amused. After a brief pause, he finally replied, “Some won’t admit it, but yes. They do.”

Spock swallowed, as if having some difficulty with what he wanted to say next. “Do you think…Nyota…‘self-soothes’?”

“Possibly,” Hikaru replied. An idea suddenly hit him, and the inspiration shone brightly in his eyes.

“Let’s think about that, shall we? Let’s think about Nyota while she’s…‘self-soothing.’”

“Very well,” Spock nodded slightly, eyes still closed. “And where am I to imagine she’d be…‘self-soothing’?”

“Well,” Hikaru struggled, really not want to be there, “she could be in the sonic shower, or,” he added, hoping his roommate would take the hint, “lying on her bed alone in her dorm room while her roommate is far, far away and not due back for several hours.”

“Understood,” Spock nodded slightly again. “I choose the latter vision.”

“Fine, whatever,” Hikaru bit out. “Okay…uh…imagine that she is—”

“A moment, please.”

“What now, Spock?”

“I fail to understand the purpose for this mental exercise and its relation to self-soothing.”

“Well,” Hikaru pushed through clenched teeth, his fingers digging into his thighs, “you recall the ‘discomfort’ you felt that night after kissing Nyota?”

“Yes, I do.”

“We’re trying to recreate that.”

Though he kept his eyes closed, Spock’s brow furrowed in puzzlement. “I do not understand.”

“Spock,” Hikaru twitched, growing less uncomfortable and more irritable, “be logical. If you don’t have any ‘discomfort,’ then you won’t have anything to soothe. Get me?”

“But the night of my initial discomfort, I remedied the problem through meditation.”

“As is the Vulcan way,” Hikaru nodded quickly, “but we’re not Vulcan today. We’re trying to be human today, remember?”

“Of course, however…I fail to see the logic in deliberately creating discomfort.”

Hikaru answered honestly. “Because the soothing is immensely pleasurable, Spock; it’s more than worth the discomfort.”

“Understood,” Spock nodded slightly. “Please proceed.”

Hikaru cleared his throat uneasily before continuing, “Fine. Nyota is on her bed. She is alone in her room. Think about her for a moment.”

A moment came and went, but the Vulcan remained impassive. “This isn’t working, Hikaru. Perhaps your technique is flawed?”

“Spock,” Hikaru rubbed his eyes wearily, “is Nyota wearing clothes in your vision?”

“Of course.”

“Yeah…you’re going to have to get rid of those clothes, bro.”

For the first time since their “session” began, Spock’s eyes snapped open and he looked at his roommate, appalled.

“That is hardly appropriate!” he protested.

“Yeah…that’s the point, Spock,” Hikaru tried to explain. “To explore and indulge all things wicked and forbidden and ‘inappropriate.’”

Spock was repulsed, and not the Vulcan equivalent. Disgust read clearly in those dark eyes. “Perhaps this was a bad idea.”

“You think?” came the exasperated yell.

“I find it barbaric to engage in any activity in which I am required to imagine a female unclothed for purposes which involve neither scientific study nor procreation.”

Spock!” Hikaru barked suddenly, finally at his wits’ end. “You’re not dating a Vulcan girl—you’re dating a human, for Christ’s sake! And you better get used to thinking about her naked, because somewhere in Buskirk House—whether alone in her room or alone in the shower—Nyota’s thinking that way about you! She’s hot and wet and touching herself inappropriately while moaning your name! She’s…longing for you to do more than kiss on your next date. She’s thinking about how uptight and repressed you look in your uniform and she wants to—oh, I don’t fucking know—un-repress you? She’s probably imagining what certain parts of your body that I will not name taste like! It’s called lust, Spock! It’s raw, animal, and human! And if you want to keep your girlfriend from sneaking into some other guy’s dorm while you’re sitting here meditating on a weekend night, then I
suggest you take your holier-than-thou attitude and just—”


Hikaru’s mouth hung open in horror as he watched his roommate’s back arch and his head roll to the side, moaning loudly. The Vulcan clutched at his bedspread, dug his fingers painfully into the mattress and sank his teeth so deeply into his bottom lip it drew blood.

“Hikaru,” the Vulcan rasped, “keep talking…I feel…I feel the discomfort rising…please…say more….”

Hikaru could only gawk at him stupidly, mortified beyond speech.

“Please,” Spock gasped, speaking between tightly drawn, uneven breaths, “keep…keep talking…I feel it….” He bit his bottom lip again, and this time groaned so loudly, Hikaru knew any student passing in the hall could hear.

“O-okay,” his roommate sputtered awkwardly. “Uh…uh…okay…so where-where is the-the dis-discomfort located?”

“It is here,” Spock whispered, reaching down quickly and unfastening his slacks. Shamelessly, completing forgetting himself, he succumbed to instincts he would have never even guessed he had. He pushed his hand under his clothes, and began grabbing and stroking. “Hikaru…Hikaru…this is…this is—”

“Right then!” Hikaru leapt to his feet and bounded for the door. He would have fled down the hall, except some students were standing outside talking and looking at their door.

“Uh…Spock is just trying a new form of meditation,” he told them quickly, letting the door shut behind him. Unfortunately, fresh moans pierced the door and walls; they were a visceral mix of guttural groaning and growling.

Not daring to peek his head back in, Hikaru instead banged on his door and bellowed, “Would you keep it down?”

When that didn’t work, Hikaru tried plan B: give up and leave your roommate to his own humiliation.
After torturing his entire floor for several moments, Spock finally lay spent staring and gasping at the ceiling. He felt the same way he usually did after he’d mastered a new skill, as though he’d learned something new about himself. It was….


His mind suddenly jumped to a definition he’d come across long ago in a basic anatomy class.

…A peak of the plateau phase of the sexual response cycle, characterized by an intense sensation of pleasure. Experienced by both males and females, it is controlled by the involuntary, or autonomic, limbic system, and is accompanied by quick cycles of muscle contraction in the lower pelvic muscles, which surround the primary sexual organs and often associated with other involuntary actions, including muscular spasms in multiple areas of the body, a general euphoric sensation and, frequently, body movements and vocalizations are expressed.

Those crisp, clean medical descriptions suddenly had new meaning for him; in fact, much of basic medical jargon now held new meaning. He couldn’t wait to further his research in this area of anatomy. Not since his first lesson in Suus Mahna had Spock known such…exhilaration.

Even more confounding was how by indulging his more primitive instincts, he’d actually cleared his head instead of clouding it. He felt refreshed, strong, and relaxed. It was like meditation—but with mind-shattering pleasure.

If what Hikaru said was accurate, then somewhere, Nyota was feeling the same thing, thinking as he thought, wanting what he wanted.

He felt…eager for their next date.

Next ~ What's the Different Between a Slut and a Tease?


Post a Comment

This blog is strictly moderated. Everyone is now able to comment again, however, all Anonymous posts will be immediately deleted.